Ruben Torres: Action Figure Candidate, Verbal Sparring Partner, and Ketchup Aficionado.

If ever there was a guy that deserved his own action figure, it was Ruben Torres. His accessory kit would include a cuatro, a guitar, a bass, a baseball bat and mitt, a box of dominoes, a bag of surullitos, a bottle of ketchup, a vacuum cleaner, a broom, and a surfboard. His superhero-esque cleaning capabilities and white glove tactics were matched only by his natural fish-like abilities in the surf on the shorelines of his native Puerto Rico.

Torres had acute talents for home organization, yard irrigation and domino domination. Unlike Popeye, who gained superpowers only from eating one food source, spinach, Ruben had a few food sources that made him feel like a super-human, tomato ketchup, mayo-ketchup (Puerto Rican 1000 Islands) and corn fritters (known as surullitos in Puerto Rico).

Out-spoken and obsessive, Torres had acute talents for home organization, yard irrigation and domino domination. Unlike Popeye, who gained superpowers only from eating one food source, spinach, Ruben had a few food sources that made him feel like a super-human, tomato ketchup, mayo-ketchup (Puerto Rican 1000 Islands) and corn fritters (known as surullitos in Puerto Rico).

But of all Ruben’s superpowers, my favorite, and the one that I will probably miss the most (as his wife would likely concur) was his herculean ability to argue.

He would overcome adversaries with gab and chatter spinning a word web that would make even Spiderman dizzy, and then, he would baffle his opponents into submission with uncanny density and Hulk-like skull thickness. I personally fell victim to this particular superpower on many an occasion. We had arguments, some of which went on forever. We would often pause in one argument so we could begin another, like flies in a spider’s web, saving the argument to devour it later.

We were still in the middle of various arguments when Ruben passed and unfortunately we will never be able to settle the debate on which Cuban timba band is superior Los Van Van, Isaac Delgado, Habana D’Primera or Pupy y Los Que Son Son?; or….the classic, where is salsa music originally from and who owns it?; ……is mofongo really Puerto Rican or is it Dominican?; the list is endless and the quarrels and disputes will be missed as will the incessant laughter that always followed, proceeded and drove every discourse and chess match discussion we ever had.

A lover of tradition and technology, family and friends, Ruben was dedicated father, husband, son, brother and friend.

By day he was an Intel Corp engineer, but evenings and weekends saw him in a myriad of activities and scenarios showing off his super skills with the greatest of ease, from fence busting at baseball diamonds to tearing the roof off packed salsa clubs; he could be seen throwin’ bones or throwin’ down on the grill, chillin’ with his homies or with his kids, reorganizing the garage or watering the lawn, vacuuming the carpet or sweeping the kitchen…….Ruben Torres was a man with skill and ability, he was, a super friend.

Now that he has departed we are left with the mere memory of our hero. Why not make a tribute to him in the form of an action figure? A talking action figure would be even better? And better still a life-sized robot. Like the android from the old 70’s film West World, hell Ruben looked like Yul Brynner. A Ruben Torres robot, hells yeah!!! Android Ruben is better than no Ruben babies!!! It wouldn’t be the same, but I’d take it!! A guitar-slinging robot that sings 3 part vocal harmonies in perfect pitch and is also programmed to do house chores? Who’d say no to that?

Oh there I go again, getting carried away, letting my imagination go places it shouldn’t. Sorry kids I just miss the old man. Ruben you are loved!

-John Connell-Maribona

The prominent engineer for Intel Corporation, died from complications caused by Multiple Myeloma, also known as plasma cell myeloma or Kahler’s Disease, a cancer of the plasma cells. He was 44 years old. Raised in San Juan, he graduated from the Inter American University of Puerto Rico. Ruben moved to Oregon in 2000 where he almost immediately met and married his wife, Staci, it was love at first site as he told it. Ruben was survived by his wife, Staci Lynn Torres; daughter, Sofia Milagros Torres; sons, Ruben Gabriel Torres and John Lucas Torres. R.I.P.